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Things I wish I could say (WIWICS) when people call, and what I really say (WIRS):

Caller: Do you replace hot water heaters?
WIWICS: No maam. Why would you want to heat hot water? It's already hot. We install cold water heaters.
WIRS: Yes maam! Would you like to book a call?

Caller: Can you suggest a good soft water conditioner?
WIWICS: What would you like us to condition your soft water to? Do you want us to make it hard again?
WIRS: Yes sir! Would you like to book a call?

Caller: It was awful cold last night. Can you come unthaw my pipes?
WIWICS: Let me get this straight. You want us to unthaw your pipes. Would you like us to unfreeze them when we get done?
WIRS: You bet we do! Would you like to book a call?

Caller: Don't be alarmed. The warranty on your vehicle is about to expire.
WIWICS: Leave me alone.
WIRS: Leave me alone.
 

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waterheaterzone.com
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Caller:"How much do you charge for a water heater."
WIWICS: "I am like a high-end call-girl, if you have to ask how much I charge, then you obviously can't afford me.":cool:
WIRS: "It depends on the specific water heater and the specific installation job. I can come out to your home, assess the job and give you an exact price, a house call is only $xx, when would you like to set up and appointment?"

Caller: "I don't want to pay for an estimate, can you give me a ballpark? I was at Lowe's and the water heaters were only $xx."
WIWICS: "Go ahead, hire BLowe's and have some unlicensed crack-head install your water-heater all screwed up and don't cry to me when it leaks carbon monoxide and kills your whole family. I don't give a damn."
WIRS: "I'm sorry, but we have a small service fee for an in-house estimate and there is no other way for us to accurately price the job."
 

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Caller: "I don't want to pay for an estimate, can you give me a ballpark? I was at Lowe's and the water heaters were only $xx."
WIWICS New Comiskey Park was 72 million so far, it should be less than that.
WIRS New Comiskey Park was 72 million so far, it should be less than that.
 
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