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Old 05-21-2020, 06:32 PM   #51
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The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a
mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by
greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to
meet in a few days to exchange notes..
Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black
leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a
raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I
opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we
had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, Black stockings,
stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he
said,



"What's for dinner, Zorro?**
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Old 05-21-2020, 08:50 PM   #52
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keep em coming...they are good for a chuckle or laugh...
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Old 05-22-2020, 04:59 PM   #53
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The groom's brother

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Old 05-22-2020, 05:02 PM   #54
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First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and, sucked on it.......followed by assorted gagging, retching and spitting.
When everyone had finished wiping their faces, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life is tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."
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Old 05-23-2020, 07:48 PM   #55
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Whats' for breakfast

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "and what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know." he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"**
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Old 05-23-2020, 07:49 PM   #56
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Bedtime Sports

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides'.*
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Old 05-24-2020, 08:34 PM   #57
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What's for breakfast?

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "and what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know." he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"**
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Old 05-24-2020, 08:52 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plumbus View Post
What's for breakfast?

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "and what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know." he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"**
you just posted this ...#55 above....
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Old 05-25-2020, 10:26 AM   #59
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.............................
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I think you all could use a smile-1589895255796-png.png  

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Old 05-25-2020, 11:16 AM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShtRnsdownhill View Post
you just posted this ...#55 above....
Hopefully, a mod will notice and remove the duplicate post.
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