The role of your spouse - Page 2 - Plumbing Zone

**ILPlumber** · 03-19-2010, 10:33 AM

I tell my wife when I procure another contract. Usually tell her where all I will be traveling that day. Other than that, zippo.

We talk about our real life and family. Not work.

When I walk in the door, work gets shut off and I am Daddy/Hubby.

Of course then I come here later in the evening and talk about work/voice my frustrations.

Phat Cat · 03-20-2010, 12:22 PM

From the wife's side:

A little history . . .

My husband and I met at work. It was early on in my career (I was 22) and I was hired as a Secretary. He was head of the Commercial division (Estimator/Project Manager). I had an immense amount of respect for him and it was a great working relationship. We worked together about 2 years before we started dating. Shortly after, the owner died, Commercial division was shut down and we were both let go.

We worked at separate jobs and I missed the working relationship. However, I quickly climbed the ladder of success on my own and enjoyed the sense of accomplishment. My husband was my cheerleader and mentor. If I had a problem at work, he was my sounding board. I was also his cheerleader.

Fast forward to now . . . when we decided to open our company, there was a HUGE lack of communication. He thought he was opening his company and I was going to work for him. Silly me assumed that since it was a 50/50 partnership that we would be working together. He didn't realize I had grown quite a bit professionally in the years that had passed. I was no longer a 22 year old secretary with naive eyes.

The first few years in building up the company we did not clash. He managed the field, estimating, product offerings etc. and I managed the marketing, customer service, accounting etc.

As we added employees, we started to clash over the direction of the company. And yes, it does spill over into your personal life. If my opinion or analysis was not in line with his, I was considered disrespectful. At home, now you are looking at your spouse as the enemy.

In the beginning, if he had asked me to be his employee, I would have said 'no.' In my professional career, I have always chosen a particular personality type to work for. His personality is not that. He does not play well with others and I love playing with others.

If you go this route, make sure you communicate exactly what you expect. I believe husband/wife partnerships can work and work very well if you know what to expect from the beginning. Power struggles suck when you have two strong personalities and opposing opinions.

We are much better at dealing with the power struggles, but it is still a struggle from time to time.

If I had to do it all over again, I would not do it. We work very hard at keeping our business life and personal life separate.

Like Matt said, it's nice to be a parent/spouse and let work stay at work.

Sometimes we joke around and do the whole,

Him - 'how was you day?'
Me - 'my partner was a real PITA today. Has to have his way'
Him - 'Yeah, I know. Same here. It's Friday, let's go out to eat'
Me - 'To hell with work. There is so much more to life.'

HUMOR helps keep us sane.

AKdaplumba · 03-20-2010, 02:55 PM

where do you guys find such good women???

Dont tell me google...

**SlickRick** · 03-20-2010, 03:50 PM

My wife and I have been working together for 27 yrs. She is a people person and she says I am (I don't think I am) She is my partner and best friend. We have never had anymore problems working together than living together. We just like being around each other. I am not a wealthy man, but I have been blessed in many other ways. 6 children and a business, if we can hold it together, so can you.

Master Mark · 03-20-2010, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PlumbCrazy

From the wife's side:

A little history . . .

We are much better at dealing with the power struggles, but it is still a struggle from time to time.

If I had to do it all over again, I would not do it. We work very hard at keeping our business life and personal life separate.

Like Matt said, it's nice to be a parent/spouse and let work stay at work.

Sometimes we joke around and do the whole,

Him - 'how was you day?'
Me - 'my partner was a real PITA today. Has to have his way'
Him - 'Yeah, I know. Same here. It's Friday, let's go out to eat'
Me - 'To hell with work. There is so much more to life.'

HUMOR helps keep us sane.

thank you for your story.....

it can be a very hard go between the spocues, especially if their is no comunication and you have absolutely no idea what the heck he is doing in the field why are we losing so much money this year...?????

my mother had " blind faith in her husband " and as the secretary, she never questioned the path of the business especially when he lost a huge bundle a few times to a couple of different builders....

all I can tell you is dont drag your kids into the business
unless someday you both want to retire and get out of their way...

if you have no intention of ever retireing and you never think to mention
this to your son, or sons. who come on board thinking that some day you will.......

that is another story all in itself.....

ToUtahNow · 03-20-2010, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKdaplumba

where do you guys find such good women???

Dont tell me google...

I met my wife in High School while pursuing her girlfriend. The girlfriend moved away and I use to drive my wife down to see her. By the time we graduated High School we quit driving down to see the girlfriend and have not been apart since. We graduated High School in 1970 and married in 1971.

Mark

Phat Cat · 03-20-2010, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Master Mark

my mother had " blind faith in her husband " and as the secretary, she never questioned the path of the business especially when he lost a huge bundle a few times to a couple of different builders....

all I can tell you is dont drag your kids into the business
unless someday you both want to retire and get out of their way...

if you have no intention of ever retireing and you never think to mention
this to your son, or sons. who come on board thinking that some day you will.......

that is another story all in itself.....

I cannot be that type of 'wife or partner.' It is not my nature to trust blindly. My father left before I was 3 and for most of my life I was raised by a single parent. Child support was non-existent. From early on I was taught to be self-sufficient. It's not a judgment on my husband, it's the way I am.

Most men would take it as a blow to their ego.

As for bringing the children in, we are encouraging them to seek their own in this world and to pursue what brings them joy/meaning. If they wanted to get involved, we would welcome them in. As far as retiring and taking over the business, they would have to buy us out. We have six children between us and it would not be fair to hand it over to one, two, or even three of them.

We fully realize this is our dream, not theirs.

niteowl · 03-20-2010, 08:33 PM

picked my wife over the phone-she was a phone soliciter for coupon books. 1969 was a good year. when i first saw her i said that's the one for me. may be this will happen for you. as far as the business goes-3 of my 5 kids work in the family business. my wife gets the permits-you have to have the patience of job (from the book of job in the bible-good reading when you think you have had a bad day) to do this here. i am the only who touches the money. very important. had an office manager back in the 90's. bad experiance. trust no one with the money. hire a good cpa had a few, most are not good when it comes to your business. pay by the month and stay in touch with your cpa. get a p&l every month and read it. understand it and know where your money is going. as far as my kids are concerned they all know that we are spending all of their inheritance.

PlumbingTheCape · 03-22-2010, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pauliplumber

It's real simple. I just tell my wife.....

1. Do as your told and like it

2. Do not speak unless spoken too

3. I am always right, even when wrong.....

4. Dinner better be ready when I get home

5. The house better be clean.....always (we have 2 kids & 5 pets)

6. I am so full of $hit........

She has her own job and pretty much stays out of my business, except for tax time when I need help getting my shoebox full of paperwork together.

I am lucky to have her.....

She would say the same about me

LOL if only it was that easy

3KP · 03-22-2010, 03:29 PM

Wifes duties: everything except plumbing

No seriously My Wife/Boss she does phones, paper work, deals with legal stuff, runs the excavator, runs the skid steer, runs 6" sewer main pipes she does whatever it takes to get the job done.

My duties: Nothing but plumbing..

I do service work, drain cleaning, new installations, and estimating.

I did everything myself the first year it Sucked! Her strong points is office duties mine are sales and service. (she says I have never met a stranger, I can walk up to anyone and talk to them like I known them for ever.)

She just wish I wouldn't spend so much time talking to them

03-20-2010, 12:22 PM	#12
Phat Cat Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 5,106 My Photos	From the wife's side: A little history . . . My husband and I met at work. It was early on in my career (I was 22) and I was hired as a Secretary. He was head of the Commercial division (Estimator/Project Manager). I had an immense amount of respect for him and it was a great working relationship. We worked together about 2 years before we started dating. Shortly after, the owner died, Commercial division was shut down and we were both let go. We worked at separate jobs and I missed the working relationship. However, I quickly climbed the ladder of success on my own and enjoyed the sense of accomplishment. My husband was my cheerleader and mentor. If I had a problem at work, he was my sounding board. I was also his cheerleader. Fast forward to now . . . when we decided to open our company, there was a HUGE lack of communication. He thought he was opening his company and I was going to work for him. Silly me assumed that since it was a 50/50 partnership that we would be working together. He didn't realize I had grown quite a bit professionally in the years that had passed. I was no longer a 22 year old secretary with naive eyes. The first few years in building up the company we did not clash. He managed the field, estimating, product offerings etc. and I managed the marketing, customer service, accounting etc. As we added employees, we started to clash over the direction of the company. And yes, it does spill over into your personal life. If my opinion or analysis was not in line with his, I was considered disrespectful. At home, now you are looking at your spouse as the enemy. In the beginning, if he had asked me to be his employee, I would have said 'no.' In my professional career, I have always chosen a particular personality type to work for. His personality is not that. He does not play well with others and I love playing with others. If you go this route, make sure you communicate exactly what you expect. I believe husband/wife partnerships can work and work very well if you know what to expect from the beginning. Power struggles suck when you have two strong personalities and opposing opinions. We are much better at dealing with the power struggles, but it is still a struggle from time to time. If I had to do it all over again, I would not do it. We work very hard at keeping our business life and personal life separate. Like Matt said, it's nice to be a parent/spouse and let work stay at work. Sometimes we joke around and do the whole, Him - 'how was you day?' Me - 'my partner was a real PITA today. Has to have his way' Him - 'Yeah, I know. Same here. It's Friday, let's go out to eat' Me - 'To hell with work. There is so much more to life.' HUMOR helps keep us sane. __________________ All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. – Edmund Burke

03-20-2010, 03:50 PM	#14
SlickRick Moderator Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Gilmer, Texas Posts: 5,770 My Photos	My wife and I have been working together for 27 yrs. She is a people person and she says I am (I don't think I am) She is my partner and best friend. We have never had anymore problems working together than living together. We just like being around each other. I am not a wealthy man, but I have been blessed in many other ways. 6 children and a business, if we can hold it together, so can you. __________________ "I believe human-beings and fist can co-exist peacefully....." GW Last edited by SlickRick; 03-20-2010 at 04:26 PM.. Reason: sp

03-22-2010, 03:29 PM	#20
3KP Plumbing Contractor Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Your Momma's Posts: 744 My Photos	Da Boss Wifes duties: everything except plumbing No seriously My Wife/Boss she does phones, paper work, deals with legal stuff, runs the excavator, runs the skid steer, runs 6" sewer main pipes she does whatever it takes to get the job done. My duties: Nothing but plumbing.. I do service work, drain cleaning, new installations, and estimating. I did everything myself the first year it Sucked! Her strong points is office duties mine are sales and service. (she says I have never met a stranger, I can walk up to anyone and talk to them like I known them for ever.) She just wish I wouldn't spend so much time talking to them __________________ Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard at it. 'Have a Blessed Day!"

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03-19-2010, 10:33 AM	#11
ILPlumber Moderator Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: IL Posts: 5,312 My Photos	I tell my wife when I procure another contract. Usually tell her where all I will be traveling that day. Other than that, zippo. We talk about our real life and family. Not work. When I walk in the door, work gets shut off and I am Daddy/Hubby. Of course then I come here later in the evening and talk about work/voice my frustrations.

03-20-2010, 02:55 PM	#13
AKdaplumba Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 726 My Photos	where do you guys find such good women??? Dont tell me google...

03-20-2010, 08:33 PM	#18
niteowl Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: fort lauderdale Posts: 22 My Photos	picked my wife over the phone-she was a phone soliciter for coupon books. 1969 was a good year. when i first saw her i said that's the one for me. may be this will happen for you. as far as the business goes-3 of my 5 kids work in the family business. my wife gets the permits-you have to have the patience of job (from the book of job in the bible-good reading when you think you have had a bad day) to do this here. i am the only who touches the money. very important. had an office manager back in the 90's. bad experiance. trust no one with the money. hire a good cpa had a few, most are not good when it comes to your business. pay by the month and stay in touch with your cpa. get a p&l every month and read it. understand it and know where your money is going. as far as my kids are concerned they all know that we are spending all of their inheritance.